Your Mama
by Belle of Ponderosa
Summary: Naruto is kidnapped by Itachi. He decides that to get Itachi to talk to him, he'll insult him with "your mama" jokes. Too bad Itachi killed his mother. Slight ItaNaru,


_**Killing Curse Eyes:**__ I present to you, my latest fanfic I got the idea from the fic _"Nail Polish_" by Edward the spiderqueen. I hope you all enjoy!_

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, it would be full of ItaNaru moments, Sasuke wouldn't be such a Gary-Stu, Sakura would have been awesome from the start, and Hinata would have been killed by Neji. Or anyone, really…

_**Warnings:**____slight shonnen-ai of the ItaNaru kind, your mama jokes, and a few minor swears. Oh, and it's not beta-read._

**Your Mama…**

"Your mama's so fat, even I don't believe it!" Naruto said smugly to Itachi, who ignored him and continued to stare blankly at the fire.

Naruto had been kidnapped by the elder Uchiha three weeks prior, and had not once gotten an interesting reaction out of him. He was so much like Sasuke, but worse. Sasuke would at least glare, or give an arrogant reply.

"You're mama isn't so bad. I mean, she would give you the hair off her back! Not that you need it… you're hair is long enough already…"Naruto mumbled the last part, hoping he could get _some_ sort of reaction out of the older man. Itachi ignored him in favor of closing his eyes before opening them with the sharingan deactivated.

'_At least he's warming up…' _thought Naruto before realizing that meant he wasn't even considered a threat. He decided to use one of his best your mama jokes that he knew.

"Your mother stepped on a crack and broke her own back!" he said grinning widely. The idea of a shinobi from the Uchiha clan breaking their own back like that was more than laughable. No good shinobi, from the Uchiha or not, would ever live it down if it happened.

Itachi pulled out a kunai of his weapons pouch and examined it lazily, before flicking it into the bushes and killing a squirrel. He didn't even glance at Naruto.

"You're mama is so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours… for a quote!"

"…that actually happened," Itachi replied, shocking Naruto. "Except it was my cousin."

"You-you're talking!" Naruto exclaimed pointing at him. Itachi said nothing.

'_Maybe if I keep going I can get him to talk!_' Naruto thought before smirking.

"You're mama's glasses are so thick-" Naruto started before seeing Itachi pull out a book and a pair of reading glasses and glare at him. '_Maybe that's not such a good one… heheh…_'

"Your mama is so flat, she couldn't even breast feed!"

"Yes… makes me wonder how much more intelligent I would have been had she been able to…" he replied while reading his book, which Naruto noticed was "Icha Icha Paradise". '_Does every man read Ero-Sennin's books? But wait… the cover is a little different… "Yaoi edition"? What's that?'_

"Your mama's hair is so short that when she braided it, it looked like stitches!" he grinned, happy that he was receiving some attention from the good loo- er… the older man.

"It was actually a bit longer than mine…" Itachi replied putting the Yaoi edition of Icha Icha Paradise away and taking out some nail polish.

'_Purple nail polish? Well… at least it's not pink…_' thought Naruto. As Itachi painted his nails with practiced perfection. '_Purple at least looks se- erm… _good _on him… damn it why do I keep doing that?!'_

Slightly thrown off by the nail polish, Naruto nearly laughed, before realizing that, that would provoke the black haired shinobi. To do what, exactly, he didn't know. He didn't think he'd do anything too bad, that would defeat the purpose of keeping him alive until now… wouldn't it? In the end Naruto decided not to chance it.

"Your mama-er… her teeth are so yellow she spits butter!"

"She was lactose intolerant." The raven-haired man murmured while painting is right thumbnail with as much ease as he had the other hand.

"Lacto-what?" asked Naruto confused by the new term.

"She couldn't have dairy products. They made her sick."

Naruto continued to go through all the 'your mama' jokes he knew, and after the Uchiha had started talking, all he did was either agree, or point out how that wouldn't happen!

"…Why the hell are you acting so… so… COOL about me insulting your mother?!" Naruto asked, having gotten tired of his companion being so nonchalant about all the jokes. He was surprised when, in the blink of an eye, Itachi had him pinned to a tree.

"Naruto-kun," he breathed, his mouth near Naruto's ear. "You must be forgetting. I _killed_ my mother."


End file.
